I’ve got 99 problems…and thankfully they’re all my fault!
Problems. We’ve all got plenty.
And guess what…
They’re all your fault.
Now, before you slam down your laptop and send a few curse words my way…rest assured, this is actually great news.
Extreme Ownership
A few years ago, my husband introduced me to the book “Extreme Ownership” by Jocko Willink (BTW: recommended read!).
Written by a retired Navy Seal, the concept of extreme ownership is about embracing a mindset of taking complete responsibility for the outcomes around you.
And, at first, it really wasn’t for me.
I already spent so much time blaming myself for anything that went wrong. I would let something going wrong be an attack on my self-worth. I was clearly failing as a human being if something didn’t go the way I had expected or planned. Cue the violin.
So this concept of extreme ownership and telling myself “Yep, it is all you, you’re the failure” didn’t quite seem like the path I wanted to take.
But, as I explored the concept more, I realized how empowering and freeing it really could be.
If anything in my life was going wrong and it was my fault…that meant I also had complete control over fixing it.
No sitting around waiting for that person to change, that job to change, or the world around me to change. I didn’t need someone to swoop in and save me. I could save my own damn self!
Woah. I like it.
With this nugget of power in your grasp, let’s explore how extreme ownership can present itself in your life.
Time problems? Your fault.
Time is our most valuable resource. With enough time, we can accomplish anything we set our mind to!
So, if you feel like you don’t have enough time… that’s a definite problem.
Let’s take overworking for example. I.e. you’re working longer hours at your job than you want to be. Problem.
It may be tempting to hunt down a villain. Who is causing this pain?! It must be the needy client or a coworker dropping the ball or a company with unrealistic expectations. All worthy villains.
But, wait…this is your fault. You’re the villain.
So do your best mustache twirl impersonation…and fix it:
Is your schedule realistic? Or are you trying to cram in too much? Remember you have control over what you work on. So narrow your focus to the must-haves, say no to what doesn’t fit, and get yourself out the office door when you want to.
Are you getting sloppy with your time? Maybe you’re jumping from one digital distraction to another and not really getting anything done in between. Muster up a little discipline and focus. Choose just one thing, turn off notifications, and get that one thing done.
Are you avoiding saying “no”? Advocate for yourself. Don’t default to “yes” on everything. Instead, for every “yes”, understand exactly what you’re saying “no” to. If saying “yes” means you aren’t going to deliver a great result somewhere else, consider a “no”.
Relationship problems? Your fault.
We all have many relationships in our lives: family, spouses, friends, coworkers…etc.
That’s how we connect and navigate the world to bring joy and experiences to our lives.
And, I’m guessing, at some point, someone in these relationships has let you down: forgotten birthdays, missed deadlines, unmet expectations…
Jerks.
Now, you could sit around and blame those around you, wait for them to clean up their act, and learn to read your mind…
But the letdowns…are actually your fault.
So, fix it instead:
Don’t assume someone is going to remember something that’s important to you. Remind them. Send a calendar invite. Set up a meeting to review progress. Follow-up. Take action to keep it top of their mind.
Say your expectations OUT LOUD. Wait, what? Really, no one can read your mind. If you want something, ask for it. Be clear about how you want it done and explain exactly what you need.
Have a backup plan. Even if you think you have clearly set expectations and know what you want, you don’t have to rely on others to make it happen. Decide ahead of time what you will do if an action isn’t taken. Trust yourself to handle it and proceed. Then decide if you need to communicate your expectations differently next time.
Emotion problems? Your fault.
Negative emotions are all a part of life.
We actually need them. How would you be able to truly know and enjoy positive emotions, without having first experienced the negative ones?
Regardless…they still suck.
You’re dreading work on a Sunday night.
You’re overwhelmed by the vast amount of tasks that need to get done.
You’re disappointed you didn’t reach a goal.
Clearly, that pesky job, the mountain of tasks, and an impossible goal are causing all of this…right?
Nope. Sorry.
Your fault.
Excellent news! Let’s fix it:
Instead of dreading an upcoming week, find one positive thing you’re going to gain in the week ahead: an experience that will lead to a new learning or skillset, discovering the way not to do something, learning to trust yourself by having your back in a touch conversation…etc. Focusing on one thing you are excited about and that you decide will be a win can help fix the dread. The job doesn’t have to change one bit.
Tackle the overwhelm by writing down all the things you “have” to get done. Once it’s out of your head, decide what is actually a priority and start taking action. The tasks are all still there, but with no power, because you know you’ll get done what you need to.
Extend your timeline for the goal and keep working towards it. Maybe you thought you’d achieve a goal weight or a revenue number in your business this month and it didn’t happen. No problem, next month you’ve got this!
The next problem you encounter, find the culprit!
(I’ll give you a hint. You won’t have to look very far. Just find a mirror.)
Blare the Taylor Swift on repeat (which, let’s be honest, will always be my recommendation #swiftie): “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s meeeeee!!!!”
Then embrace your newly found power and control and ability to fix anything.
You’re in charge. Let’s get to work.
Are you tired of feeling overwhelmed? Do you feel like there are always important tasks left undone, hanging over your head? It's time to take control of your productivity and prove to yourself you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.
Check out the 7 Days: Consider it Done! guide to transform the way you approach your to-do list.
Say goodbye to procrastination and unfulfilled goals and hello to a sense of control and reignited passion for life. Consider it done!
