How Women Can Take Back Control of Our Time
Burnout in our careers seems to be on the rise.
But according to a report from Slack’s Future Forum Consortium, there appears to be a notable gender gap between women and men with female workers showing 32% more burnout than their male counterparts.
As we look at the full picture of work life, personal life, and everything in between, I believe there could be many culprits surrounding this statistic.
While society is constantly evolving and, I think it’s fair to say, we’ve come a long way in gender inequalities, we’d be putting our heads in the sand if we tried to deny they didn’t still exist.
Cultural, societal, and familial expectations are thrust upon all of us from day one. And we may not even be conscious of them.
I like to come to this space with an eye for curiosity. Specifically, how do these inequalities, past or present, affect how I approach managing my time? And what can I do to address this for myself and start to change the narrative in my daily life?
Everyone is dealing with their own challenges, and while some of these statistics may not apply to your exact circumstances, I invite you to take a critical eye to how you do spend your time.
Specifically, ask yourself if your priorities are aligned with your personal values and goals. Or, are these values actually a deeply held script from society that you memorized years ago and have never thought to question?
Join me on a journey as I take a closer look at the expectations we put on ourselves as women and decide if I like my reasons for the choices I make about my own time.
Household Tasks
This is certainly one of the first topics that come to my mind when evaluating the expectations surrounding workload between men and women.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics 2021 survey, on an average day, 21% of men did housework compared with 49% of women.
A deeply held societal stereotype (insert picture of the “ideal” 1950s housewife) is that women often have more unpaid domestic and caregiving responsibilities than men do, such as cooking, cleaning, and child care.
These responsibilities can take up a significant amount of time and make it harder for women to find time for their careers and other interests. Or, at least, are likely to add to an overall feeling of overwhelm when trying to juggle it all.
Does this stereotype ring true in your life?
Take a look at your schedule and how much of your time you spend on these types of tasks. Are you happy with the current state? Why or why not? If not, what changes could you make?
Outsource:
When it comes to freeing my time from household tasks, outsourcing is key.
For instance, a couple of years ago, when taking on a rather daunting home renovation project, I turned to a meal prep service to gain back HOURS in my schedule. While I was actually okay with the cooking activities defaulting to me, I was also just fine with removing it from my plate so I could focus on things I cared about more.
Ask for Help:
Sometimes the distribution of these household tasks feels uneven. My husband and I have certainly run into that from time to time in our relationship.
If you feel like you are taking on a larger burden of household tasks, ask your partner for help.
After some early marriage years figuring this one out, we, admittedly, have fallen into the gender stereotypes here (give me all the cleaning, just don’t make me mow the lawn! Though this is partially due to my continual pursuit of avoiding any encounter with sunshine lest my fair skin turn into a total tomato).
But, as workloads for other areas of life eb and flow, we’ll pick up the slack for one another to even it back out.
If you find your partner’s not on board with re-distributing, circle back to outsourcing!
Question Your Beliefs:
Like me, you may be okay with the distribution of tasks as they are. But, it’s possible that the expectations you are setting for yourself for your household could be re-evaluated.
This is one I’m reconsidering now. I love a clean and organized home, so taking time weekly to focus on this has been a part of my routine for years.
But, I’ve recently been questioning if this is still as high of a priority as other endeavors. Or, have I just been conditioned that this should be important to me so I put it at the top of the list?
I’ve been exploring if I could skip a week of cleaning or break the tasks up more creatively throughout the week. This would still achieve the same results but free up my valuable Saturday mornings. Or, maybe a messy counter and dog toys strewn about is actually just not that big of a deal. More to come…
Caregiver Instincts
As a woman, I feel like I’m a natural caregiver. It seems at my core to make sure those around me are okay before I worry about myself.
From a societal view, the default may be to think about a typical mother/child relationship. But I think this trait can also spill over to the workplace with some unintentional consequences.
For example, this caregiving nature could lead you to raise your hand to help with projects not in your job description if you see those around you struggling. Or you could be taking on tasks because they seem like they’ll help the broader group, i.e. “office housework.”
According to a study in the American Economic Review, both men and women are 12% more likely to ask women to volunteer to take the non-promotable task than they are to ask men. This “office housework” could include tasks like taking notes, ordering food and planning social events.
Does this stereotype ring true in your life?
If so, though it feels like second nature tapping into this desire for caregiving, take a look at what you may adding to your plate. Are these extra tasks inadvertently pushing your own goals and plans to the back burner?
Think Bigger:
The desire to make the lives of my coworkers easier used to be a big culprit of overwhelm for me.
This seemed like an admirable goal, but it left me bitter, burnt out, and without space to see the bigger picture.
I’ve found that taking some time to define where I truly add value, how I want to contribute, and what would make me feel fulfilled, allows me to make better decisions on what “extras” I volunteer to take on.
For instance, I can focus on template and process creation to make the day-to-day of many more manageable, instead of just a single individual. Or, I can focus on planning my time around gaining an extra 2 hours per week to allow me the space to put content into the world to help an even larger audience find time for their passions.
The caregiver piece is still alive and well inside of me and I don’t fight it. I’ve just found ways to redirect this to have a bigger impact.
Pause:
If you have been volunteering for this type of caregiver work for so long, especially if it seems as though you have progressed in your career because of these actions, it can be a hard habit to break.
I have found having more awareness of my instinctual actions has helped me make more conscious choices.
If I find myself going into default mode to raise my hands for these tasks, I pause.
Does the value I will create in taking notes or helping the coworker pull me away from my own projects and goals? If not, I continue on. I’ll volunteer.
But if they will cause me to say no to something that’s more important to me, I refrain from jumping in, or I help to delegate the task.
Prioritize “Me Time” First:
I talk a lot about scheduling “me time” before anything else. Put your oxygen mask on first, as they say.
In this case, I consider “me time” both as self-care, but also as the holistic schedule I created for myself and want to hold myself accountable to (i.e. completing big projects, continual learning, or just giving myself room to breathe and put my feet up.)
When I plan my time first, it allows me to show up more positively and be able to make a proactive contribution vs. dreading being at someone else’s mercy. I know my top priorities will be taken care of so I can decide if there is space for delivering any “extra” value.
The Grooming Gap
Get your nails done. Put on make-up. Curl your hair. Find the right outfit. And on. And on. And on.
That’s a lot of extra to-do’s to manage in an already full schedule. And maybe you actually feel like you don’t have enough time to devote to these things.
Back in 2014, an AOL / Today Show survey found that women spend approximately 55 minutes per day on their appearance (compared to approximately 25 minutes per day by men).
And I doubt this takes into consideration all the extras outside of the day-to-day (hair appointments, nail appointments, shopping trips…etc.) to keep up with the high bar surrounding a woman’s appearance.
Does this stereotype ring true in your life?
If you evaluate your daily grooming and all the extras, do you put it in the self-care category longing for more time? Or does it feel like just one more thing you should get done?
Your Best Self:
55 minutes day after day adds up.
I’ve definitely swung back and forth between both sides of the appearance spectrum.
I spent a good amount of time in the post-pandemic work-from-home mindsight avoiding any situation requiring real pants.
Whereas today, as I sit down to write this article, I have makeup on, my hair is curled, and…I’m wearing JEANS. There’s no one around, I’ve done this for myself.
I enjoy a typical routine of getting ready as part of showing the world (and myself) that I’m ready to go! I’m ready to be my best self. So it’s a well-spent 55 minutes.
That’s most days.
Other days, I’d rather take that time to work out a little longer, catch up on some reading, or sleep in a little extra to feel more aligned with the day. On those days, I hop into overdrive and see what I can make happen in 20 minutes, without looking like I just rolled out of bed.
If a 60-minute morning meditation and journal session gets you to your best self, I invite you to skip the mascara and curling iron and let your inside do the glowing.
Pick a Self-care Routine (without the “shoulds”):
I do believe spending time on our appearance can boost self-esteem and can be fun. That’s why it generally falls into the category of self-care for me.
But it doesn’t have to be for everyone.
Find the pieces of your grooming you like the results of, for you. Does your nightly skincare routine help you wind down and transition into a relaxing evening? Keep it.
Alternatively, does the constant battle of applying nail polish, chipping nail polish, reapplying nail polish…etc. make you crazy. Then stop. That doesn’t sound like self-care to me.
Removing the “shoulds” of your grooming routine could allow you to free up more precious time and avoid the potential for burnout in other areas of your life.
Perhaps these statistics and opinions stirred up some emotions of frustration and anger. Or maybe you completely disagree with everything above.
So, disregard the statistics. Disregard my experiences of these cultural “norms”. These are all external circumstances and other people’s experiences. Not yours.
The point is to provide an opportunity to step back and reflect. Jolt yourself out of autopilot to ensure you are making conscious choices on what you’re spending your time on and why.
If you are a high achiever and goal-oriented woman, burnout can be a real concern. If you do feel like the odds aren’t in your favor simply because you’re a woman, you can take control of this. You can change this experience for yourself.
Evaluate your priorities and your time use and decide what you want to believe. Seek to understand if the choices you are making are aligned with your deepest held values, or if they’ve crept in from external expectations.
Continually questioning and re-examining these engrained beliefs can be a journey to understand yourself better while finding more freedom with your time.
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