A Busy Bee’s Guide to Making Time for BFFs
Hey you Busy Bees! I see you.
Setting big goals. Determined to build a dream life. Heads down making it happen.
Let’s collectively take a quick pause. I know, I know, you’re focused. But hear me out anyway.
Pause.
Now ask yourself some questions:
Are you losing touch with what really matters to you?
What are the puzzle pieces that would make up the ideal life you’re working so hard for?
And have you truly made space in your schedule for all of those pieces?
If you’re like me, one of the first puzzle pieces I notice slipping when I’m heads down and hustling is prioritizing friendships.
Friendships can often seem like an afterthought, barely making a footnote in an already packed and planned out schedule.
However, maintaining meaningful relationships and connections with others is crucial for physical, emotional, and mental well-being. And are, personally, an important piece of my ideal life.
If you’re with me, we’re going to explore how you can prioritize and make time for these vital friendships in your own life.
(And if you’re all set in the friendship department, you have permission to get back to heads down. Get it, girl!)
Friendship
Raise of hands. How many of you sit around waiting for a friend to reach out? Either to initiate plans or just to check in to see how you’re doing (how you’re really doing, not just waiting for the obligatory “I’m fine” answer)?
My hand’s definitely raised!
Now, how many of you are consistently doing the reaching out?
…nope? Me neither.
In fact, I was recently convinced one of my dearest friends was mad at me because neither of us had reached out in a while. Turns out, she thought I was mad at her too! When, in reality, we’d just gotten “busy”. In our minds, our friendship is a priority. But in action, it definitely doesn’t look that way.
Friendship can fall into this interesting paradox. We’re all longing for that deeper connection. But neither party actually does anything about it.
We’re either feeling so busy and overwhelmed that we’re afraid to add to our own plate. Or we assume our friends are feeling the same so don’t want to burden them with a phone call request or an evening of girl talk.
So we do nothing.
Friendships and connections represent a deeper sense of belonging in the world which is one of the reasons they deserve space in a happy and fulfilling life.
But how can we keep friendship as a key piece of our time management journey when so many other things are pulling at us each day?
Making Time
Making time for friendships in your schedule doesn’t just happen without planning and intention.
And while we can’t control our friends making time for us in their schedules, we can consciously and mindfully do our part to keep the space open and ready to connect.
Prioritize
The first step to making more time for friends is to actually prioritize it.
Decide that this connection deserves a top slot on your to-dos and consciously plan for it in your schedule.
Get specific
Next, decide what making time for friendship looks like to you
Who do you want to make more time for?
What activities could you do? I.e. is it a long-distance friend who will require a phone call or someone local you could easily meet up with?
How much time do you want to devote to friend time while still feeling satisfied and balanced with your other priorities?
Schedule recurring time
We’ve all played the “when are you free game” which turns into a mile-long text chain of conflicting schedules and a dinner out planned 7 months in advance.
Accept that you aren’t just going to be juggling your own busy schedule, but also those of your chosen flock.
Make it easy on all of you and schedule a recurring time for connection. This could look like weekly phone calls, a monthly book club, an annual girl's trip…you get the picture.
Decide once when these events will occur then pre-emptively throw them on your calendar ahead of time to lock in the plans.
Combine activities
If you’re still feeling angsty about getting behind on your to-do list in order to spend time on friendships, consider combining connection time with other activities you already have to do.
Do you have chores to do? Schedule a weekly call with a friend while you clean your house.
You’ve gotta make time to eat, right? Schedule dinner with a friend.
Is staying fit an important goal? Invite a friend for a run or a workout class together.
You’re still making self-care a priority, right? Bring a friend along for a pedicure date.
Be present
When you schedule the time and finally make it to these cherished moments, be present and engaged.
Put your phone away and focus on enjoying your time together.
Dig deep. Don’t just keep it surface level, missing an opportunity to truly connect and belong.
Ask the uncomfortable questions that will allow you to both open up and make the most out of this time together.
What’s challenging for you right now?
What are you excited about?
What are you afraid of?
What are you grateful for?
Take full advantage of those sweet humans you’ve decided to make a part of your ideal life.
A Note for Us Introverts
I would be remiss if, as a strongly identifying introvert, I didn’t add this disclaimer:
Respect your own energy.
In general, introverts recharge by spending time alone, not by spending time in groups. So a packed schedule of phone calls and activities may leave you feeling drained and unable to show up as your best self to these friendship dates or elsewhere in your life.
Be aware of how time with others may drain you and schedule accordingly.
Don’t book back-to-back engagements in the name of connection while losing connection with yourself.
You can make time for both. This may mean a little less friend time in lieu of a little more me time. But, hey, we should all be our own best friend. So don’t forget to enjoy her company too!
Good time management is not just about eliminating the overwhelm of a 60-hour work week or setting yourself up to accomplish all your hopes and dreams.
Good time management is a tool to take control of building the schedule, and ultimately, the life you want. A life filled with time to cultivate relationships and truly enjoy the people around you.
So, don’t let “busy’ make you lose sight of the big picture and be the reason you de-prioritize this valuable piece of life.
Make friendship an important part of your time.
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